In the medical world infertility is defined as "the failure of a couple to conceive a pregnancy after trying to do so for at least one full year".
In my world it is defined as "the suffocator, isolator, soul destroyer, the all consuming thorn in my side, the fertile weed that creeps into my heart and tries to destroy what is left of my hope".
I think you get the idea...
When I first started on this journey, not being able to conceive was immensely crushing for me. I could feel the walls closing in and I didn't feel like I could cope. Not understanding what was going on, coupled with the chains of anxiety weighed me down and I felt like I could snap at any time.
Apart from my husband, I didn't have anyone to talk to who understood my pain. I was angry with God, so I rarely talked to Him. I was judgemental of other people who had children, so I stayed away from them. I would make excuses for not going to see friends or family and I tried everything to get out of going to church. I isolated myself from a lot of people, putting strain on important relationships in my world.
I was living in a victim mentality. I was letting the enemy use my pain to destroy me.
Don't make the same mistake.
Pray and ask for strength to be able to cope with infertility. Even if you are angry, tell God how angry you are. Some communication is better than none at all. Read your bible it is food for your soul and God will reveal Himself to you through it. If you have no one to talk to, search on the internet and try to find a good infertility support network. There are plenty of forums. You will find great advice and new friends. I thank God every day for the friends that I found online.
If you need prayer or a friend, please contact me.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
Philippians 4 v 6
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