Christianity Explored Part 2

Back in January I told you about my dear friend, who signed up to the Christianity Explored course at my church. Well I am so happy to be able to tell you that my many years of prayers were answered! She gave her life back to Christ and has been faithfully attending church with me ever since. It has been amazing to see how God has worked in her heart and has changed her from the inside out. 

When she told me that she was going to do the course, I decided to go along with her for moral support. To be honest I wasn’t really looking forward to it, but I wanted to be there for her and answer any questions that she may not feel brave enough to ask in-front of a room full of strangers. 

The first two years of trying to conceive were the worst years for me. I was completely overcome with shame, anger, bitterness, anxiety… the list could go on! And even though I went to church (well most Sundays), I was only there in body. It was during this time that I first did the Christianity Explored course. I didn’t enjoy it then and that’s why I wasn’t looking forward to it the second time around. 

Thankfully after the first night, I couldn’t wait to go back. I loved every minute of it! The questions that were asked, the stories of desperation and the willingness to explore had me hooked. Each week I could see the barriers come down, as they stepped a little closer. I enjoyed sharing more of my own story of faith and how it underpins my life. 

One Sunday during worship, I prayed and praised God despite the anxiety in my heart about a situation in work. Thoughts of infertility were creeping in as well. I remember being unsettled in my thoughts, jumping from one thing to another as well as trying to give God the praise that he deserved. Little did I know that someone from the course was watching me. 

When I stepped down from the worship team a few years previous, I was told that I would still be able to lead where I was in the congregation. That Sunday I was leading someone without even realising it. Despite everything that was going on in my head and my heart, I was later told that I had a look of peace. It was the peace on my face that she desperately wanted. How wonderful it is that she has gone on to claim “the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding”. 

Everyone who attended the course has given their life to Christ and most have been baptised. 

Including my friend:) 

Blessings xx 

“Instead, you must worship Christ as Lord of your life. And if someone asks about your Christian hope, always be ready to explain it.” 1 Peter 3:15 (NLT)

God is good

Hello everyone! I thought I would check in and let you all know that I am still here. Life has become hectic since my last post in March, but two holidays and my lovely sister’s wedding later… I am back! 

So to update you all… in May I had an appointment with the Regional Fertility Clinic and we were told that we have a 4% chance of conceiving naturally and our only option would be IVF **sigh**. 

I have had a lot of reservations about IVF in the past and wasn’t sure how I stood with it spiritually and ethically. There is so much to take in and my little brain just couldn’t cope with it all. Our Consultant was great though and very understanding! He gave us plenty of time to ask questions, which he answered very well. Hubby was completely against the idea of IVF before we went in and the consultation changed his mind. This was such an answer to prayer! I was never against the idea of IVF. I was just scared of it, because I didn’t understand it. And because hubby didn’t agree with it at the time, I didn’t want to go through with something if we both didn’t agree. The last thing that I would want is for our relationship to suffer, because of our desire to have children. So I would pray that if IVF was God’s will for us, he would have to change hubby’s mind first. God is good. 

Before we say yes or no we have to meet with a fertility counsellor first and discuss the effects that IVF will have on my body and our relationship. We are still waiting on our appointment. 

I think that I am getting better with all of the waiting that is involved with infertility. I am getting better at trusting God’s timing and His plans for my life. I can see how God is using my story to help other people and I feel so privileged that God is using me in that way. I have asked God to give me new dreams and already I am leaping on to those first stepping stones towards them. God is good. 

Blessings xx 

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8 v 28.

Hannah's Hope

Today I am thanking God for the internet.  OK, right now you may be thinking that I am a bit crackers, but please let me explain.  

Infertility is such a lonely and scary experience and for years I suffered by myself.  I did have my husband and he was great, but I longed for friendship from ladies who understood, who could relate.  And so I prayed and made my longing known to my heavenly father.  

One afternoon I was sitting at my computer.  I opened my browser and I googled.   I can't remember exactly what I typed in, but eventually I came across this site.  My prayers were answered.   I signed up and this new world opened up before my very eyes.   Here I have found a place that I could read others stories, feel safe to sort through my feelings and make connections with woman from around the world.  

Here I have found comfort, support and some wonderful friendships.   I have experienced first hand how christians can gather through the internet and feel the presence of the Lord.

This month is my one year anniversary as a member and I am praising and thanking God for it.  

"For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them."

Matthew 18 v 20

God is my hope.

God is my hope.  I will not put my hope in my own talent, abilities or efforts.  I will not put my hope in medicines or procedures.  My hope is in the God of the impossible, because then anything is possible in my life.  Even accomplishing things beyond my own ability or the ability of medical procedures. 

Today I am asking God to reignite my hope in Him and His ability to do the impossible in my life.  

"Why my soul are you downcast?

Why so disturbed within me? 

Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savious and my God."

Psalm 42:5

Christianity Explored

Every year at Christmas my church organises events that are specifically tailored to the non-believers in our world.  This year my friend agreed to come along like she did the year before.  Part of the announcements that particular Christmas Eve was a promotional video for Christianity Explored.  Little cards were strategically placed on everyone's chair, to make it easy for people to sign up.  When my friend found her card, turned to me and asked if I had a pen... I nearly fell of my chair!  I fumbled about in my bag like an idiot trying to locate one and praised the Lord when I finally found it!  I was in shock.  I actually could hardly believe that she was signing up to explore Christianity. 

I have known my friend for years, we were 'best buds' in school and I have been praying for her salvation for a long time.  I specifically prayed that she would be open to the idea of Christianity in some way and that opportunities would arise.  When you pray for something for so long and it finally happens, sometimes the joy of it all can really have you in awe.  At the time and even now as I write, I just keep thinking at how wonderful and faithful God is!  I couldn't help but wonder... why now?  What has changed to make her take that step?

Over the years I have always been very open about my struggles with infertility.  We had so many conversations together about my faith and the disappointment, hurt and anger I felt.  I was always so completely honest with her, as we have always had that type of relationship.   Sometimes though, I was a bit worried that I had maybe said too much and I would pray that God would give me the right words to say.  I would pray that God would use my story for His glory. 

In Philippians chapter 1 verse 12 Paul writes "I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that what has happened to me has actually served to advance the gospel".  How wonderful it must have been for Paul to know that all the trials, all the pain and all the suffering that he experienced were not in vain.  He knew that his experiences had an awesome impact of winning lost souls for God's glory.  People noticed that despite all of his suffering, Paul was still able to praise God.

I am starting to think that my story of infertility could maybe be having an effect on my friend.  I would love to know that what has happened to me could actually serve to advance the gospel.  And I pray that she will continue to seek God and claim His salvation. 

Blessings xx

The Benefits of Dairy Free.

As you can imagine, I was a little more than annoyed.  Because for reasons I still don't know, my period started doing funny things when we started trying to conceive.   Before the days of trying for a baby, my cycle length was spot on 28 days.  I could almost tell you right down to the hour, when it was going to start... well almost...  OK I may be over exaggerating slightly.   But you get the idea.  It came like clock work every month.

So when it didn't start that first month of trying, I thought things like 'Wahey go me!!!!' and 'How fertile am I!?'.  I naturally thought I was pregnant.  There was absolutely no need for me to think, that my body could be playing cruel tricks on me.   Unfortunately that is exactly what it did.  Ever since that first month your guess is as good as mine, when Aunt Flo is going to show.  

It will be three years in April.  Three years of heartache and very long cycles.  During this time I have tried everything I can think of, to get my cycle back down to 28 days.  I have gone gluten free, caffeine free, lost weight, exercised more and nothing has worked.  That is until October 2012.  The month I started a dairy free diet.  That month I managed to achieve a cycle length of 29 days.  Yiiipppppppeeeeee!

I have completely cut dairy out of my diet and so far I am immensely happy with the results.  I have lost weight, my cycles have shortened considerably, I no longer have awful cramps, I don't need to take painkillers and I am not as bloated anymore.  Actually before I went dairy free, I didn't even realise how bloated I really was.  

The diet rules are simple.

No milk.

No cream.

No butter.

No yogurts.

No cheese.

If you are like me and have similar difficulties with your cycle length, I would really recommend you trying this diet.  I noticed a massive change the first month.  Let me know how it goes for you.

Blessings xx

The Baby Trap

I didn't ask for anything specific for Christmas and I really wasn't expecting much from hubby at all.  So when Christmas Day arrived and I was opening a black slim line box and seen that my dear hubster had got me a kindle, I was more than thrilled!!!!  I absolutely love to read and my house is coming down with books.  A kindle was the perfect gift for me and a really thoughtful one at that.   He even got me a lovely case to keep it scratch free, in my favourite colour purple.  

Since Christmas Day my kindle has been stuck to my right hand and I carry it about protectively, like my life depends on it!  I have already read three books and I am half way through my fourth,  The Baby Trap by Sibel Hodge.  A story about a 30 something woman and her journey through infertility.   Her story is so similar to mine.  This book makes me laugh, cry and dread the day when I finish it and I will have to say goodbye to my friend.  

Happy New Year!:)

Happy New Year everyone!  I pray that 2013 brings you joy, peace and happiness.  This year I am going to try to post more in this blog.   And share more of my journey with you lovely ladies out there.

Today I took down our christmas tree and it was such a relief to finally be free of the decorations.  Since dealing with infertility, I really struggle with the question, what do you want for christmas?
Even though I have now mastered the art of putting on a brave face and responding with something frivolous like new shoes, earrings or my two front teeth (LOL!).  Deep in my heart I think...
I want a baby. 

So far Santa hasn't followed through on that request.

It has been three christmas' and counting.